I recently bought the Foo Fighters’ Greatest Hits compilation with bonus DVD. As I sat at home today, watching the ‘Everlong’ video for the umpteenth time, while my infant son squealed in his jumper, my attention faded and I began daydreaming.
Presently, ‘Best of You’ started playing and a wave of emotion poured over me.
They were memories from the spring and summer of 2007, just after I came to Portland. I was in a serious relationship at the time, and In Your Honor was on constant rotation. It was the soundtrack to my life at 21 years old. I was young, in love and had the whole world on a plate, fresh and steaming.
Of course, when we eventually collapsed about a year later, under the sheer weight of both our youthful confusions and frustrations, I was left a hollow shell. All the things that used to excite and interest me no longer held any meaning or gave any pleasure. She moved on in record time as if nothing had happened while I stood by, slump-shouldered and sagging on the cracked sidewalk of life.
It took me a long time to get over her. I had to meet someone else, start a relationship and have a child with her before my emotions started catching up with the rest of my life. I guess it was pretty traumatic. It’s weird to say, it’s not like I was raped or anything, but I might as well have been. I just tried to ignore it as best I could.
It wasn’t until I started seeing a psychologist at the beginning of this year that I started to face that stuff. When the topic of relationships came up, I told him the story and he said something that really helped. He told me that it wasn’t simply a relationship I’d lost, it was a dream that died. I loved this girl, I loved her family, we were talking (prematurely) about getting married, the names of our future children, etc. He showed me why I was hurting so much, I’d lost my future.
Once that was out there, I felt better about things. A little. It’s true that time heals all wounds, but some things in life leave deeper scars than others. In my case, this relationship is a huge mass of scabs I was trying to cover up with band-aids of platitudes. It was throbbing just below the surface, itching like crazy. Eventually, I had to peel them all off and start over, this time with clean bandages, antiseptics, maybe stitches. The trick is to keep the wound clean so it won’t become infected.
When ‘Best of You’ came on, I was reminded of all these things. I suppose that’s the mark of a great song, one that makes you feel what the writer/composer feels as they write it, no matter who performs it. Its a kind of magic.
Magic like the melody of this, one of the greatest songs ever written.
It’s times like these we learn to live again…
Truer words were never written, Dave. Thank you.
Cheers!
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